I posted this picture earlier because I was in the nail salon and found it quite ironic.

My mom’s name is Suzi & she met my sperm donor on a ranch in Texas…

I posted it on Instagram without thinking much of it. I got responses like “sounds like you miss her”, “you only have one mom, call her”, “you need to reconcile with her…”

Well people, no. I don’t have to reconcile with her. There’s nothing to reconcile. Put yourself in my shoes for one second.

Imagine yourself growing up with a “parent” struggling with addiction, boyfriend hopping & can’t hold a steady job. Since I was 8 years old I was the parent. I’ve forgiven my mom for not being there, but I’ve also become stronger. Strong enough to know when I need to leave certain people out of my life. I’ve already forgiven my mother for what has already been done. But if I were to have a relationship with her, how many more times would I have to be hurt & let down & forgive her again, and again? 

Not to forget, I am not a true parent now. I have a child of my own. I can’t allow my son to watch me stress, worry, cry & fight with my mom. That’s not an example I want to set for him. I’ve been through hell & back with my mom, no need to drag my son through it again.

Anyhow, the second anniversary of not speaking to my mom is coming up, that’s why I posted the pic of the nail polish. Do I miss Suzi? No. But I do miss the idea of having her finally push through and be there for me.